“Nice” does not belong in radical self care.

Does that surprise you?  If it does, then this blog post is for YOU!

I’ve been thinking a lot about what RADICAL self care means, and one part of it is getting rid of what no longer serves me.  Recently I’m realizing that being nice no longer serves me… and I think it rarely serves any of us.

Here’s why:

“Nice” is often done out of feeling guilty or wanting to please others, being afraid not to show our true feelings  or speak our truth.

When we are being nice, we tend to put our own self second, and what happens then?  We feel resentment.  We resent the person who “made” us do what we didn’t really want to do…or weren’t doing from an authentic place… and although we might not realize it, we also resent ourselves for not honoring our own needs.

When we are feeling so resentful, NO ONE actually benefits from this “nice act” — NO ONE benefits, so why bother doing the nice act in the first place??

I don’t mean that we should treat others poorly or that we stop doing things in service of others.  I mean that we need to change the way we approach the things we do for others.

Instead of automatically doing things just to be “nice,” it is best to first identify what is the greatest action that will serve EVERYONE including OURSELVES.


This is not about being selfish; instead, it is about full and authentic service that comes from the heart and values our own needs as much as others.  This allows us to be compassionate instead of resentful, and EVERYONE benefits from that!

So next time you are tempted to act nice because it seems like what is expected of you, or the easier way out, ask yourself  these 3 questions:

  1. Do I really MEAN this?
  2. Am I acting from my heart or from my “should”?
  3. Does this serve EVERYONE, or just them or just me?

… then do what your RADICAL self care requires!


Want support in designing and sticking with your own radical self care program?   Join me and other bold, beautiful women in my Radical Self Care Challenge starting April 2!  90 days of self-discovery, self-commitment, and transformative self care!